#i NEED him to break me mentally
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHEHEEHHEEEEHEHEEEOH MY GODDDDDD EEEEEEEEEEE!1!!1!2!!!1!!1!!1!!!1!!1!1!!!1!!1! HE SI SO HAHHEHEH I LOVE THE WAY YOU MADE HIK SO MUCH IN GONNA SCREAM ISEHAHWHEHEH2846.!2!!1!:!3!2!; dnd ene !1!1!!!1!💔💔❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🤤❤️❤️❤️🤤❤️❤️❤️❤️😈❤️🤬🤤❤️❤️
Haiii… can i get the. Nightmare Clown from That’s Not My Neighbor? Methinks he’d look super cute in your style! (Sorry if creepy stuff isn’t your expertise)
Killer Clown 🤡 🔪
#Please pleaee pelase pleaee please pleaspleapwappleappeaee pleasppleaseee#grhhrhrhghfhrh#fhherhfbbfjdjcn#PLEASE SIR#ONE CHANCE#my head hurt#i wanna squeeze him#i want him to squeeze me#OUHHHHH I DONT CAREEEE#im down absolutely horrific#ill do anything#swear i will do anything#absolutely anything#shit has me giggling in the middle of class. BRO GOT ME IN TROUBLEEE#he is so. mmhghh#i NEED him to break me mentally#i am going to say a bad word
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my heart dropped when i read the statement that sm put out re: taeil, genuinely the last thing i expected to read today. i’m shocked, disappointed, but most of all- i’m angry.
angry at what he’s done, angry at seeing some fans defend him, angry at those turning this into a gotcha moment to promote or lift their faves up. please, this isn’t just some discussion on the internet- there is a very real victim, a very real woman at the heart of all this. i hope she gets the justice and healing she deserves.
#apologies for coming in and dropping this#ik i havent written in a while#truly i have not been in the best emotional state but i needed to let this out#this is an issue that hits close to home to me and i just feel sick to my stomach at the news#always ALWAYS believe victims#goes without saying but moving forward i will not be supporting taeil#it’s a piece of a much bigger picture in how south korean women are being treated#i’ve been seeing a rise in the digital space of them raising awareness and advocating against the sexist rhetoric and harassment they face#i know this is an au account BUT very real women are being affected. real life will always take precedent over silly little brainrots#morals before kpop always#anyways sending love and light and hugs to those who need it#esp the czennies / taeil biased that are disheartened and disappointed#don’t feel guilty for having once supported him- we were all blindsided by the idol persona#idk when ill be back. truly need a bit of a mental health break#but ill see you all again soon <3
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babpy.
#pizza tower#peppino#arts#mine#happy pride; heres a little otter for u#hes like very early 20s here#happy and unbothered before the Horrors happened#it is NOT his 30s bc he needs to exude raw dilf energy by that point#but for now he is anxious and sweet and awkward#not that i dont draw him like that already but its like 10x here#its PALPABLE#okay mwah i will hopefully come back w more than just sketches that mean nothing skjfsdjkfdhfhsk#i have LITERALLY been on this commission for WEEKS i need someone to take me out back and put me out of my misery i swear#im going to finish the lines TODAY like i cant be this person i cant keep coming back to this fucking comm w no progress ill simply Die#its like singlehandedly preventing me from doing anything else; its making a mental block waaaaaaaau#but i feel like i am breaking through it today. at least i HOPE i am sdkjfsdjkfjsdkf#um if u are still here ilu. send me some anons; i want to be chatty but the messages i have feel like i need to respond w essays#and i literally. cannot.#at least until i get my head screwed on properly again
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TFA Arachnus Prime
#maccadam#transformers#poll#smash or pass#request#arachnus prime#optimus prime#tfa#god the things i would let him do to me#i need to see my beloved upstanding sweetheart optimus tormented and emo. for my mental health.#its so rude that we never got to see this in an episode proper mannnnn#like. this will break him. but i need to see HOW he acts when hes broken#does he oean into being evil? does he go to megatron like blackarachnia did? how hard does he cling to his faith in the autobots?#what will it take for that faith to shatter beyond repair? this is mr 'cogs in the great autobot machine'#who cannot see how heartbreaking that sentiment is#would being cast aside and treated as lesser; as a wretched and disgusting THING by the society he swire to protect do it?#enough to make him start questioning the history he threw himself so wholly into learning?#and whats his dynamic with megatron in a world where he works for him? does megs recognize the respect optimus craves? feed into it?#does he remember his name in a galaxy who sees him as only a terrible beast? is it all to string him along into getting his way?#does he know hes being played? does he bother caring?#these are the questions that keep me up at night#anyway snag me in your web and lay eggs in me daddy 💖💖 bite me like a dirty little bug 💖💖💖💖💖💖
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Wyll breaking up with the player character if Ulder dies so Wyll must become the Duke makes me wanna throw up sobbing because he actually thinks that just because his father's first duty being to Baldur's Gate made him a Bad Father that Wyll himself will inevitably be a Bad Lover because surely no one could match love with duty if his father couldn't, unknowing he has more love in one hand than his father had in his entire body. fuck
#More in my reblog#“my father taught me more lessons than I can count” yeah dog they were called CAUTIONARY TALES 😭😭😭#“pull me too close and I'm destined to hurt you” FUCKIGN. BITING YOU#“a champion's heart is as sharp as a new blade” SO CRAZY I GOT THIS SICK ASS ARMOUR. TRY ME.#I'm actually in physical pain over this. Wyll my love.#I need to rip ulder in two with my bare hands right now.#sorry I JUST saw the breakup scene for the first time today and I haven't stopped thinking about it it's making me ill with sadness#he didn't even break up with ME but it fucking feels like it goddamn#bg3#Wyll Ravengard#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 analysis#oh my GOD and the fact that he offers one last dance. I'mgoing to ufckingexplode#and he spends five whole seconds just. holding the character. not even dancing.#I watched the version with him and astarion ofc I don't romance wyll myself (lesbianism)#makes me wanna write a fucking fic (derogatory)#why the fuck is everyone so ill over astarion when mr insane mental health issues is RIGHT here (i know why. but still)
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The change in my Evan from the first time I drew him to the most recent is,, actually insane
Like what do you mean that’s the same guy??
(This may or may not be a wip of me drawing CR Evan but I’m still not done with the fic soooo)
#I’m at like chapter 28?? 29 maybe??#I know what happens to him and it haunted me so much I needed to take a mental health break and come back to the fic like 6 months later🫠#evan rosier#evan rosier fanart#crimson rivers#Evan rosier crimson rivers#crimson rivers fanart#marauders era#marauders#hp marauders#hp#harry potter#dead gay wizards from the 70s#fanart#marauders fanart#wip#futurequiblblerjournalist art tag
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overthinking … nooo ……
#god help me I am having too many thoughts#about things that are not even remotely relevant right now#I really need to adopt the “cross that bridge when I come to it” mentality#because sheeeeesh#this is also sort of bestie number two’s fault because she’s the one who asked me all those questions#“what are you going to do if he confesses to you” GIRL I DON’T KNOW! I’m barely trying to establish a friendship right now#but of course now I AM wondering what I’d do#well I’ll tell you one thing I’m not going to be cruel like those kdrama female leads#that break the heart of the guy they like just because they think it’s better to let him go right now#if — IF! — that ever happened#I guess I’d let him express himself and then express myself and explain where I’m at right now#and we’d figure something out#which would be a sign of trust and teamliness I’d say!#but anyway. that’s like step 50. right now I’m on step 3#and who knows if I’ll go beyond this one#it’s actually his job to take the next one (texting me again) and I will NOT jump the gun under any circumstances#so. yep. actually expressing myself here made me calm down and not have so many abstract swirling thoughts#elly's posts#🍮
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'...you know jokes like those actually hurt me, right?'
"who said I was joking?"
.
.
.
'oh.'
#vent#personal#delete later#so um#i don't talk with my family about stuff often cuz#they don't really listen#it's#they always think I'm putting on airs or acting when I say something#i mean#it's not#i don't really know whether or not i actually have a problem#but sometimes i check over my behavior and#some of it doesn't seem normal?#i mean i don't know i'm not an expert and my opinion doesn't mean much but#it just doesnt seem like something we're supposed to experience#so i'll tell them sometimes#well actually i've told them multiple times that i feel like something isn't right#i mean we told them about our back and leg pain maybe 3 years ago?#that wasn't taken seriously#even when i fell the first time it wasn't taken seriously#it took me actually breaking down and crying to miss a singular day of school#mentally speaking i think i might have something going on#i mean i've told my brother that i might have depression and#he just brushes it off and jokes about it#we get home and tell him we've had a bad day and he'll joke about how the m22's there for me and its#it really hurts but no one takes me seriously and i don't know if we're overreacting or if there's genuinely something wrong#in april the thing with my legs happened again and the next day i was told that i was fine and that i needed to go back to school and#And that's not wrong i've never missed school i don't miss school even when i am sick i take a day off and bounce right back but#It kind of feels like they don’t take me seriously?#this is stupid sorry i’ll take this down later
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Why isn't Natori's cousin arc talked about much ?
It was such a masterpiece of a story. it was very powerful and tragic which just hurts so much and I'm not over it or I'll ever be, it also had so many things to talk about .. like a lot for example:
-the undying trust Natori had for Natsume that no words reached his heart like Natsume's words
-that deep sad desire inside his heart which later on got crushed in the ugliest of ways not once but twice
-the fact that the Natori clan might have some secret that led people fearing their return or hating them which might be what led someone to break the barriers that protect their house ?
-Natori hating himself more and more for being weak and having such simple desire (NOOOOO PLEASE T^T)
-Natori pushing himself through his trauma for Natsume's sake !!!
-Natori's family being as worse as Natsume's relatives! I SO HATE THEM AS MUCH AS NATSUME'S RELATIVES!! THOSE COWRDS!!
-some more exorcist lore! "I thought he would wear a hat" pleaaase that killed me I can't see him doing it xDDD
-Natori's complicated emotions about the Matoba ><
-"Mitsuru was never going to be the family I dreamed of. If she had been born, she wouldn't have been my ally but my enemy" >> this simply shattered my heart to pieces that I remember I took moments off the pages to recomposed myself .. too much I just can't okay T^T
-big BIG BIG respect for Natori's resolve and pride as an exorcist even if that actually hurts him or cast him in the dark since I thought he might actually regret being an exorcist sometimes but aaaaaaaaaaaa that resolve !!! I was happy yet sad and crying !!!
-"I'm glad you're the one who exorcised me Natori Shuuichi" >> nope I'm okay not breaking down in tears or anything at all T^T
-a bit on Natori and his shiki's relationship T^T
-Natsume's respect for Natori's choice at the end that he didn't interfere and hating himself for not being able to find a solution for both ><
-WHAT WAS NATORI GONNA DO TO HIMSELF IF NATSUME DIDN'T APPEAR THIS IDIOT!!!!
I feel there's more things worth mentioning but those are what's on my mind right now, I so wanna expand on everything and talk much about them but can't with this very unstable health of mine for now T^T
must come back to it one day .. I must since this story is just another masterpiece from Midorikawa-sensei that need more people to talk about it .. no simple words can express what I feel about this arc ..
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#natori shuuichi#I think since this put such a heavy damage on Natori both physically and mentally#I won't blame him for not joining in the current arc no matter how much I wished he was#he need a rest#can you imaging how many heart attack he would've get if he joined in the current arc ? poor Natori#this story was too heavy that even I needed a rest after it ><#I so wish I can fully express everything -sigh-#it kinda of always break me down that I can't do what I want much cuz of this health of mine#but still the fact I manage to write here and there is still a big thing for me :)#plus this manga is like a ray of light in this darkness#they make me forget whatever pain I'm in#especially Seiji .. he's ..#or wait that's not the place to talk about this lol
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With the throat fic, was Palpatine's plan to have Anakin experimented on so he becomes even more dark and dangerous?
lol the throat fic i love that
anyway i kept it sort of vague but i imagine dooku was like hey. hey sidious. can i experiment on your other apprentice. cause you know i hate him and also maybe it would solve The Padawan Problem
(sidious' biggest headache on any given day is the fact that four years ago his would-be apprentice got the stupidest fucking lightest motherfucking jedi padawan in the whole galaxy who is single handedly tethering sidious' apprentice to the light and skywalker will never ever ever let him go willingly and killing him is going to be complicated and messy if he doesn't do it right because skywalker can never know he orchestrated the death of kenobi but he also can't think the separatists did it and he can't think the sith did it and it would be great if he could convince him the jedi did it but that's almost impossible, so!)
and sidious is like ? oh?
and dooku is like yes. we kidnap skywalker and do some experiments on him, maybe light torture, make him really dark, make him really dangerous
and sidious is like oh???
and dooku is like right yeah and then after just a lot of torture and experimentation cause remember, i don't like skywalker,,,,
and sidious is like right right continue
and dooku is like we bring in his padawan and he kills him himself! :D Padawan Problem solved.
and sidious is like i have no other ideas at this point on how to solve a problem like kenobi, so. fine. take skywalker. have fun with it.
#asks#throat fic au#obikin#squick tag: a/b/o#throat fic made me realize i dont have a tag handy for this au#but anyway i think i just needed a reason for anakin to be kidnapped but not killed immediately and not bartered away or anything#and the mental image of him barely hanging onto sanity and pacing his cell#while scientists looked on and made notes#and then he hears one of them mention obi-wan#and he breaks out and kills them all within five minutes of them floating the idea#of taking obi-wan and hurting him#all of that was so delicious for the fic that i had to include it
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Oh how naive I was…
#recently saw a comment from someone saying they hoped there was more romance in Lucas’s salvation end and I. 👀#did not have the heart to tell them to mentally prepare themselves 💀#ahaha I mean. yeah sure in a way. 🙃#we get a lovely bonding CG of us stabbing him in the neck and later kissing him after he’s died so like uh yay? 💀#the more I see people commenting about their hopes and dreams for the salvation ends the more I feel the need to rant again lmaooo 😂#AND!#vague maybe spoilers for the fandisk in the following tags so beware :O#I’ve heard some vague ominous foreboding statement about the fandisk and… y���all I can’t#I’m gonna break my controller if he still still gets a shitty depressing end even in the FD 😭😂#like OKAY GAME. I KNOW HE’S DEAD. BUT CAN WE HAVE A SLIGHTLY HAPPIER/HOPEFUL AU???#please nadia too she is so innocent…#please give the Proust siblings a break dear lord 💀#virche evermore#shuuen no virche#Virche evermore spoilers#shuuen no virche spoilers#there’s not enough fanart/fanfics/shitposts for me to be able to cope with more despair even in the fandisk please I’m begging… 😂#never before have I used the 💀 emoji so much when talking about a character before#my post
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does jay ever get confused or surprised by his own emotions or actions? i feel like its even worse whrn you dont even know why youre acting like this, because you cant explain ky to yourself, let alone other people
I think so. I know he definitely doesn't really realise he's doing some of it in the moment, especially when he's angry. Like, he just lashes out without even thinking about it, then refuses to let himself feel like he's in the wrong in the moment, because that'd mean "losing" in some way, so he usually doubles down. But like, yeah, I feel like a lot of the time he doesn't expect to react as severely as he does? Like, he's fine fine fine fine, until he's not and he just flies off the handle and can't really do anything about it until he's landed again, and then he can start trying to pick up all the pieces, y'know?
He definitely beats himself up when he settles on "oh I fucked up" after he does something (and tries to get Alex to beat him up over it too lmao, uh, anyway 💀) yeah, if you asked him WHY he did something? Chances are he'll bullshit you about the explanation. Like, I feel like hell make it sound like he knows why he did it, but then if you actually start prodding past the made up, surface level shit he came out with, you'd realise really fast that he doesn't know why he did something.
Either that or sometimes you'll get a massive flood of every single reason he can possibly think of for why he did something? Like you know in Sorry, It's Locked chapter three, when Tim kisses him and he freaks the fuck out and runs away, and then after that he kinda gives Tim just this massive flood of every single thing that lead up to that moment of him panicking and trying to run away.
He's all or nothing, 0 or 100, nothing in between. Either he knows every single thing about why he reacted how he did, or he doesn't have the foggiest, y'know?
#hed break down if you tried to prod deeper when he gave you a bullshitted answer. i think. like itd freak him all the way out and hed#immediately feel super threatened and unsafe and probably get defensive like “oh so you dont believe me? i dont know my own emotions best?”#that kinda thing yknow?#i just wanna wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him.#i wanna do that with Alex too honestly. i wanna swaddle them both and rock them until they stop being dumb#theyd get a lot from deep pressure therapy stuff i think. they need a weighted blanket each and to have tim and brian just take turns lying#on top of them. they need to do that thing cats do. just lounge all over each other. thatd fix them i think. 💀#they just need to get squished for like. half an hour to an hour a day and everything would be sunshine and rainbows.... totally.#this is how mental illness works. dont-ya-know 💀#asks#marble hornets#jay merrick#alex kralie#jaylex#marble hornets fanfic#mh sorry its locked
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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okay weird q incoming but what ways do you think speedsters can get sick? Like to my understanding, they can’t really come down with normal virus’ like the flu, right? But they could get things like chronic migraines?
NANOBOTS!!! This is one of the best pieces of canon lore ever. I did a whole post on it but TLDR: normal human metabolisms have so much shit going on that they don't even notice nanobots in their body BUT speedsters have hyper accelerated metabolisms that are the equivalent of the straight A's overachiever in school on meth. So speedster metabolisms do notice nanobots and they attack full force, triggering all of the body's defenses and responses.
But the nanobots are metal so it obviously doesn't do anything. It just leaves the speedster lethargic, feverish, vomiting, dizzy, with a headache, sore muscles and a runny nose, ect. It's basically an allergic reaction.
Now, poisoning them can work depending on what the poison is/what the dosage is. You would need a 100% fatal poison and you would need a fairly high dose. Because speedsters heal fast and they have a hyper accelerated metabolism, so any poison that is based on toxicity (alcohol poisoning for example) would be out of their system faster than it could even take effect.
But poisons that can't be cleared out/processed by the body (take cyanide for example, it binds with the chemical receptors in your body making it physically impossible to use oxygen) wouldn't really be affected by their metabolism at all. So while the speedsters could heal the damaged tissues from these poisons fairly quickly (making it seem as though they were only slightly affected) they would ultimately need time to do so, time they would not have if it kills them first. This isn't technically what you are asking because there would be no substance that 'makes them sick', there would only be 'fine', 'not fine for like a minute and then fine again' and 'dead'. (... unless they were hooked up to a steady supply of the toxin)
Likewise, (this is getting more into theoretical territory, less canon) there might be some illnesses that would affect them? Not for long but if you got something super fucking fatal like Rabies, it might make them display mild cold symptoms for a day or something.
I don't know though. They have really fucking good immune systems. And even super fatal diseases can be fought. Take my example of Rabies, while it is commonly thought to be 100% fatal once symptoms show up there actually have been cases of people surviving it. Rabies is a very stealthy and fast disease, so the main problem with treating it is that your body's immune system isn't fast enough to stop it. People have survived by being placed in medically induced comas (slowing their bodily functions and thus the disease) for long enough that the medication can eradicate it. So for a speedster? That's gone in a minute tops. You would need an insane disease that I'm not sure even exists.
There's also like... pregnancy and menstruation. Growing pains, muscle pain from running is a BIG ONE, being dehydrated/starvation, blood loss, ect. Lots of ways to fuck with a speedster in a way they can't immediately fix.
There are also speedster specific ailments. It's basically 50/50 if a natural born speedster gets a weird highly fatal aging disease. Sometimes speedsters can be born without a kinetic energy shield which makes using their powers at all incredibly fatal to them. All speedsters will have connectivity issues at some point that can be fatal. Sometimes Time Gets Bad™ (shout out to when Barry kept chronically stealing time from people/things every time he used his powers). Sometimes they have too much energy and can't maintain human form (shout out to when Wally didn't know what the speedforce was and was accidentally cosplaying Ghost Rider). Velocity 9 is a highly addictive drug that works on speedsters and makes them display typical addiction behavior (and withdrawal). V9 can also cause a speedster to 'overdose' (burst into flames/lightning/energy). They all have the constant urge to yeet themselves into the speedforce. Ect.
#here's the thing: they are made of speedforce but its not a skin deep thing. you feel me? like their CELLS are made of speedforce#so all shit still affects them#i keep saying that they don't need oxygen or food to survive and thats true but its only if they're actively compensating with speedforce#cause they can get energy from the speedforce or they can get energy from oxygen and food or both. they can't do neither#and they don't really *know* or understand that theyd be fine with JUST speedforce energy. they still think they need oxygen and food#so if they were suffocating or something they might instinctively crank up the speedforce to compensate but they're also very stupid#so they might just die. idk it really depends on who it is how much they know and how much SF they're drawing on#cause like... energy beings need energy yo#i hope this makes sense#the muscle pain one is interesting cause Wallys early runs are really big on the whole hitting the wall thing#he would hit a wall that he physically couldn't break through and it caused him a lot of pain.#some of that was not being hooked up properly cause Wally wasn't hooked up properly until he was an ADULT#because he is FUCKING INSANE and he just went 'huh i guess this is my limit and i will stay below it' liKE AN INSANE PERSON#anyway some of it was SF issues and some of it was mental but he actually got really really hurt anytime he got close to the wall#REALLY bad muscle pain. and like... it was potentially extremely fatal. 'breaking down your body into little bits' fatal#he doesn't get that anymore because hes properly hooked up now but jfc that man treated 'entering the death zone' like it was#the high score to beat at his local arcade. he took it as a fucking challenge. absolutely insane dude right there
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a lot of post-coup fan content seems to revolve around chris's relationship to robert and/or trevor which makes sense but i'm chrissandra-pilled so i can't stop thinking about that particular betrayal, especially with my headcanons for them.......chris has only recently started hesitantly letting her back in, he thinks that for sure she will back him up here, only for his heart to sink when he learns she was on board with this too.........she knows what robert's like, just as much as he does, so it hurts that she'd willingly go along with him, that she'd choose him over chris, especially knowing how much directing means to him..........
when he asks she tries to brush it off with well, we just need a change, that's all, i thought maybe we could give him a shot but the damage is done, she's just fed into his fears that she's never actually respected or liked him and this whole time she's been thinking of him of, at best, someone to laugh at behind his back, that what they're doing here at cornley isn't real, that it's just a stepping stone in her journey to stardom........sandra doesn't mean all that, of course, she's just frustrated with how badly their plays go like the rest of them, but with this one gesture she's awakened chris's trust and abandonment issues that led to the bitterness and resentment that nearly caused him to leave them the first time around, except this time he's internalized it into a quiet self hatred and a begrudging acceptance that no one at cornley actually likes him, and she's horrified by the thought that she helped contribute to that......
#i don't love the way this post is broken up but it was getting to be one long paragraph and that was toooo much lmao#anyway i'm spontaneously deciding to become a 'chris's behavior in accgw was caused by hurt and isolation from his fellow actors' truther#which i WILL make a post about at some point. but. i think he got in his own head and convinced himself they hated him#and so he convinced himself that he hated them in turn and he didn't need them........#none of that is true but he has severe untreated mental illness lmao#anyway i think the coup caused a similar mindset in him except this time instead of taking it out on them he takes it out on himself#he just gets quietly self destructive in a way sandra hasn't seen since their uni days and it breaks her heart.....she feels soooo guilty#hmmm i also have to make a post about why i think they had their bestie breakup. cuz i think it's a similar thing where she implies she#doesn't respect him or what he's doing here#and given how important this is to him that really fucking hurts him........ouuugh#god these tags are getting as long as the post itself hglkdjf i just care so much about these two#save me chrissandra angst#the goes wrong show#chris bean#sandra wilkinson#chrissandra#marshy speaks
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Pivotal bright spot (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#Hhhhhh <3#I am once again ''Who am I without you'' - ZEX relies on Zelnick to affirm who he himself is! His Captain is a huge comfort!#It's the codependency for me <3#The way Zelnick comforts him is so sweet ;; He can be quite attentive! When he chooses to be hehe#He's hesitant and concerned but overcomes it to give ZEX what he needs in the moment ahh he's deserving of being a leader ♥#Like covering his eye for him - and repeating back his greeting! ;;;; How many times has ZEX introduced himself that now it's repeated back#How many times has he said those exact words so confidently that Zelnick can repeat it back to him#So confident in his identity until it's all brought into question - too many pieces that align Just So to know one way or anything!#How would his human love know so many details - but such specific details are concerning as well! What's real and what's not!#What's experienced and what's mentally real - or false! There's so many tricky mental traps set agh it's so good <3#It's so interesting how their character flaws interact with their self-assuredness hehe <3 Zelnick is brash and bold!#ZEX is careful and prideful - so which takes a harder hit in matters of the mind? ZEX is at a disadvantage in Max's body of course#Hghh there's so much about this scene that's so good tho ah#ZEX's worries of his own level of self-delusion bleeding out into accidentally telling lies - he's quite honest! Mostly ♪#But here it's all just deep concern - not of Trying to manipulate but being so far gone that he can't Help but do so! Being out of control!#Of course that would be very scary for him :( And of lying to himself? The kind of thing that's wholly repulsive to him </3#Ughhh this scene breaks my heart because they really love each other and ZEX wants him and needs him but I know what will happen ;;#At least they're able to give each other a bit of comfort in the moment - whether it's true or not (it is true haha) the contrast helps#Even in Max's body and even unsure of himself getting to hold his human - this human - feels real and right <3#He's still worried afterwards of course - takes something convincing to pull him out of it! - and Zelnick continues to comfort him <3#I love palm kisses as well ugh they're so sweet ;; <3 What a lovely way to show his solidarity! Hehe ♥
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